the provision of unnecessary details

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Sometimes, when I’m meant to be doing something productive, such as doing some (academic) reading/homework/study, I just sit here and pluck and pluck and pluck. Even when I’m reading or spending excessive amounts of time on Tumblr. This fucking hair, man…how could I have not suspected that something was wrong much earlier? Why the fuck haven’t I gone for a blood test or an ultrasound yet? Ugh. That stupid doctor. She most likely thinks I’m overreacting. I told her right at the start that I thought - no, that I was certain that - I have PCOS, then she asked why I think that. Vague response: excess hair, irregular periods, messed up skin which was once clear and free of problems. Ugh, okay - fine, don’t ask about my fucking (non-existent) cycle, don’t ask about the location of this excess hair. Yes, that’s right, instead ask about what I’m most concerned about, what bothers me the most (along with what I’m studying at university and if I have friends). Such an asinine question. We are not meant to have PCOS. It’s not as if it’s rare, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Something is WRONG. Why the fuck would you ask something so stupid? Why am I not less pathetic and more assertive? 



Anyway, so she said I should have a blood test and an ultrasound - 'inside'. When she looked up and saw my face, she suggested a pelvic ultrasound and asked me how I felt about that. 'Uh. Uncomfortable'. This all occurred three weeks ago or something and I still haven't made any progress/steps towards getting these tests done. Because I'm pathetic. Even though two nice people here on Tumblr have reassured me about this ultrasound, I still think having it done requires some…'preparation'. I don't just mean 'maintenance', but as in…I need to mentally prepare for this. Damn awkwardness. Ugh. I should shut up. It's not a big deal. I need to get it done. However, if it's a guy performing the ultrasound, I will run out of there.

letuscomparemythologies:

I feel like when most women hear the PCOS diagnosis, the potential infertility is what devastates them the most. So I guess I should consider myself lucky that I’ve never really felt a huge desire to have kids. And If I change my mind down the road, I’ve always been ok with the idea of adopting, even before I was diagnosed. Honestly, and this may seem really superficial, but what bothers me most is the pain and the physical effects you can see, ie; weight gain, acne, hair issues. And I feel a little stupid that this is what I’m most worried about, but I’m terrified I’m going to lose my hair. Fuck it all. 



This is exactly how I feel. I’ve never liked children and…well, pregnancy sort of freaks me out as well. Although I think it would be…’special’ to have someone, a child, that is half of me and half of someone I love and care about, and can’t imagine life without them, I’ve been thinking about adopting - if and when I decide I want to have my own family. I don’t know why, and I don’t like children all that much (but I suppose that changes when it comes to having your own children), but even before I suspected I have PCOS, I’ve always considered adoption. Now that I’m certain - no, now that I know, inside - I have PCOS (I’m procrastinating over getting tests done because I am an idiot), and could therefore potentially become infertile…well, that’s  - I don’t know, it’s not okay because who would want to be infertile, right? What I mean is that…yeah, so I may become infertile, I accept that now. What I’m attempting to convey here is that I agree with you. While some women consider the potential for infertility to be the most devastating result, the excess hair, hair that is darkening and thickening, clogged pores/a general decline in the condition of my skin, being either ‘IN A RAGE’ or emotional, a decline in confidence and self-esteem, and the fact that PCOS may account for my weight - that bothers me the most. However, this does not mean I do not feel for the women who consider the potential for being infertile the most devastating aspect of PCOS, and I do not consider the desire to, you know, have children to be insignificant. I just…don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry if you’re hurting. This isn’t the end. There is always hope.

necnill:

theprovisionofunnecessarydetails:

[Okay, that’s great - I just accidentally posted this to my regular blog. I need to be more careful. Reblogging again on this blog —_—”]

This is my first blog ‘on the side’ and I thought I had somehow posted it as ‘me’. I mean, obviously it doesn’t really matter, as you said, and I freaked out over something so minor, something that hardly anyone would see - and my other blog is pretty anonymous, anyway - and even if somehow had seen it, that would not have matter much, either. I guess I just panicked because I wanted my two blogs to be completely separate - one devoted entirely to things that I like, that make me happy, things that I obsess over which provide some comfort, and the other to serve as a diary, something that I could use to attempt to talk to others about this, some kind of network of support (even though I’m an awkward hermit). Yeah…so I realized my url/name for my other blog wasn’t attached to this blog, and it only shows up that way on my Dash. I’m just the theprovisionofunnecessarydetails, and it doesn’t show up as anything else, which is great.

I’m sorry your best friend said that to you ;_; that must have been awful - for someone you like and care about to push aside something so significant, something that makes such an impact. I haven’t been diagnosed yet (and I am certain that I have PCOS) but…there really should be greater awareness of PCOS, obviously. It’s not common, but it’s not rare either and I hadn’t even heard of it (no mention of it in high school health classes or human biology classes even though we covered hormones, the menstrual cycle, fertility, pregnancy, etc.) prior to conducting research. [trails off awkwardly]

Anyway…thank you ^_^ 
 

It’s okay, I understand wanting to keep things seperate. Hell, if I could I would have days that were health only, then the rest of the time just getting on with my life. xD I wish it were like that. Also, awkward hermit here too. Sorta. xD

There really should be more awareness, it’s nuts! Of all the doctors I’ve seen, very few have had any idea about it. Hell, when I had a 4cm cyst rupture to the point I couldn’t move, I went to hospital and they chucked me out with paracetamol within an hour. :l Not cool.

And yeah, it was.. um.. yeah. It cut far deeper than I should have let it. But, that best friend had a lot of problems of their own. I think maybe some of that off handedness came from their own stress (alcoholic, abuses/abused drugs, various things), but I think for the most part he had no idea how to be kind, or fair. As in genuinely so, not for manipulation. At least, not towards the end of our friendship he didn’t. We don’t speak anymore though - his choice.

Yeah, I can’t believe there isn’t greater awareness. Actually, there really isn’t that much awareness in general, is there? I mean, I attended an all-girls school and you would think that such a thing would at least be mentioned but no, nothing. Ugh - and that hospital you went to - what the hell?

Hermits with awkward tendencies unite against PCOS and raise awareness about this serious issue. 

breakmenow answered your question: After reaching the conclusion that I am almost…

At first you feel awkward, most people do, but it’s not so bad. There’s a sheet covering you and the person doing it isn’t looking at you.

You’re right. I’m comforted. It shouldn’t be so bad and it really needs to be done. I should just uh conduct some grooming/maintenance and deal with it. Sigh. Thank you for answering my question ^_^

I am constantly either IN A RAGE or extremely emotional. I have zero motivation to do anything. And I still haven’t gone for a blood test or made an appointment for an ultrasound. So much progress.

necnill:

theprovisionofunnecessarydetails:

CRIES. Make a super personal post and suddenly realize that it was ‘me’ posting - as in the url/username for my other/main blog. OH GOD. THE HORROR. FOREVER EMBARRASSED. SO INTELLIGENT. Time to set up another Tumblr account so I can attempt to be completely anonymous, because there is no other way, right? necnill, thank you for responding to my post. You’re right - they will be staring at the screen. I am comforted. 

Obviously I didn’t see the post, but speaking as someone who was asked by her best friend at the time to shut up about how PCOS was effecting me, and take it somewhere else.. I’d just want to say that maybe it’s not the end of the world that you put it on said blog. I mean, of course, if you want to have one blog for PCOS and not show every emotion to your friends, that’s fine. But I don’t see why there’s a need to panic, hun. If anyone saw it, it’ll just be a flush in the pan, so to speak. People forget things easily once they’re deleted, especially so fast.

Feeling vulnerable over it isn’t nice, I get that, but it’s not the end of the world that maybe for half a second the post was visable, right? *hugs* Hope you get things sorted.

[Okay, that’s great - I just accidentally posted this to my regular blog. I need to be more careful. Reblogging again on this blog —_—”]

This is my first blog ‘on the side’ and I thought I had somehow posted it as ‘me’. I mean, obviously it doesn’t really matter, as you said, and I freaked out over something so minor, something that hardly anyone would see - and my other blog is pretty anonymous, anyway - and even if somehow had seen it, that would not have matter much, either. I guess I just panicked because I wanted my two blogs to be completely separate - one devoted entirely to things that I like, that make me happy, things that I obsess over which provide some comfort, and the other to serve as a diary, something that I could use to attempt to talk to others about this, some kind of network of support (even though I’m an awkward hermit). Yeah…so I realized my url/name for my other blog wasn’t attached to this blog, and it only shows up that way on my Dash. I’m just the theprovisionofunnecessarydetails, and it doesn’t show up as anything else, which is great.

I’m sorry your best friend said that to you ;_; that must have been awful - for someone you like and care about to push aside something so significant, something that makes such an impact. I haven’t been diagnosed yet (and I am certain that I have PCOS) but…there really should be greater awareness of PCOS, obviously. It’s not common, but it’s not rare either and I hadn’t even heard of it (no mention of it in high school health classes or human biology classes even though we covered hormones, the menstrual cycle, fertility, pregnancy, etc.) prior to conducting research. [trails off awkwardly]

Anyway…thank you ^_^ 
 

CRIES. Make a super personal post and suddenly realize that it was ‘me’ posting - as in the url/username for my other/main blog. OH GOD. THE HORROR. FOREVER EMBARRASSED. SO INTELLIGENT. Time to set up another Tumblr account so I can attempt to be completely anonymous, because there is no other way, right? necnill, thank you for responding to my post. You’re right - they will be staring at the screen. I am comforted. 

After reaching the conclusion that I am almost entirely certain that I have PCOS because I exhibit three main symptoms - excess hair, (huge, long-term) irregularities and some acne - I decided to visit the doctor. She said that I need to have a pelvic ultrasound and a blood test to determine my hormone levels. This visit occurred last Monday. I know I need to have these tests done so that I know I have PCOS, and so, you know, I can start getting treated or something, and get my life ‘back on track’/’take control’. Having a blood sample taken won’t be a problem…but that ultrasound - I’m becoming increasingly worried about it. Fucking excess, awkwardly placed hair, man. So, uh…has anyone had a pelvic ultrasound? W-What was that uh like?