Sometimes, when I’m meant to be doing something productive, such as doing some (academic) reading/homework/study, I just sit here and pluck and pluck and pluck. Even when I’m reading or spending excessive amounts of time on Tumblr. This fucking hair, man…how could I have not suspected that something was wrong much earlier? Why the fuck haven’t I gone for a blood test or an ultrasound yet? Ugh. That stupid doctor. She most likely thinks I’m overreacting. I told her right at the start that I thought - no, that I was certain that - I have PCOS, then she asked why I think that. Vague response: excess hair, irregular periods, messed up skin which was once clear and free of problems. Ugh, okay - fine, don’t ask about my fucking (non-existent) cycle, don’t ask about the location of this excess hair. Yes, that’s right, instead ask about what I’m most concerned about, what bothers me the most (along with what I’m studying at university and if I have friends). Such an asinine question. We are not meant to have PCOS. It’s not as if it’s rare, but that doesn’t mean it’s normal. Something is WRONG. Why the fuck would you ask something so stupid? Why am I not less pathetic and more assertive?
Anyway, so she said I should have a blood test and an ultrasound - ‘inside’. When she looked up and saw my face, she suggested a pelvic ultrasound and asked me how I felt about that. ‘Uh. Uncomfortable’. This all occurred three weeks ago or something and I still haven’t made any progress/steps towards getting these tests done. Because I’m pathetic. Even though two nice people here on Tumblr have reassured me about this ultrasound, I still think having it done requires some…’preparation’. I don’t just mean ‘maintenance’, but as in…I need to mentally prepare for this. Damn awkwardness. Ugh. I should shut up. It’s not a big deal. I need to get it done. However, if it’s a guy performing the ultrasound, I will run out of there.